Project Lost Innocence started with a desire to raise awareness about childhood abuse. It has quickly grown and expanded into much more. As we researched childhood abuse, and living through it, it became clear to us that much more was needed. Our goal is to provide you with links where you can research the laws in your own state which pertain to abuse, links that will tell you the programs and release programs that each state has for offenders, and links,(or pages on here), that will help you through the healing process. When a victim is empowered with knowledge anything is possible!

Please take the time to read the following story from our founder, Sandra Rivers-Davis. Once you read her story you will discover the strength to keep going, the hope for healing, and the power to create change.

 

 My name is Sandra Rivers-Davis and I have a story. In 1993 my step-father and Barbara, my biological mother both plead guilty to a multitude of "sexual assault on a minor," charges. There were more accusations that they plead guilty to as well. I was the minor, (at that time 20 years old), who brought the accusations forth.

 

The abuse started when I was 2 years old. My mother divorced my dad then married Albert. Barbara, (my biological mother), and Albert then kidnapped myself and my sister. The first real memory I have of being sexually abused was when I was almost 5. He brought me into the living room one night and had me touch him while his hands roamed my little girl body. I do not remember a time as a child that verbal, mental and physical abuse did not exist. Hearing Barbara scream and cry during the night, recoiling in horror at the blood in the bathroom sinks, hiding when Barbara was down on the ground in a fetal position while Albert kicked her, those were almost everyday occurrences. My sister and I were not exempt from the physical abuse, even at so young an age. We were both choked; beaten, and sleep deprived. .

 

Then my two brothers came along. John first, then my youngest brother Allen, in 1978; his birth was brought on by Albert beating Barbara in the stomach with a broom handle. I was 5, my sister 4, and my oldest brother was 2 or 3. All of us children had been chased outside by Albert's wrath, and we cried as we listened to Barbara scream.

 

When I was 6, in 1979, Barbara and Albert bought 17 acres of land outside of Hunt Texas. This property was choked with cedar, brush, Spanish oak, and rocks. There was NO electricity, and NO running water. The property was as secluded as they could purchase. For the first year we lived in a huge army tent. We slept in sleeping bags on top of plywood floors. We heated our bath water on top of a 55 gallon barrel camp stove. We used the restroom outside in the trees. The quality of living that was being provided for us children was that of a third world country.

 

My sister and I went to school, with strict instructions not to tell anybody about where we lived, or how. I broke that rule once and had to stay home from school for almost a week because Albert had held me up by my neck close to the roof of the tent. I could feel the rough canvas on my cheek and smell the oil and dirt on Albert's hands as I slowly started to fade out. I came to when he dropped me on the floor and started kicking me. The beating lasted until Albert tired, then he took my outside in the dark Texas night, pulled down his pants, made me kneel on the rocks, then he forced me to perform oral sex. I was 7. When I went back into the tent with tears streaming down my face, Barbara’s only comment was that I shouldn't have said anything.

 

As the kids and I grew our abuse got worse. My brothers were spared the sexual abuse, but they knew it was going on, and they also had their own physical and mental abuse to deal with. When I was 9 my youngest sister was born. While Barbara was in the hospital, Albert made me sleep with him in their bed. I resisted and ended up with a gash on my head, blood running into my eyes, and his gruff voice, " just do what I say bitch". Then my sister came home, a beautiful little bundle with red cheeks and a sweet smile. Barbara handed this little bundle to me, 9 years old, and said, "She is your responsibility now." I took that responsibility VERY seriously. She would never be beaten, be molested, and she would have a mother's love and affection, even if it didn't come from Barbara. That bond that I had with Erin, the responsibility I felt for my younger siblings, my fear of Albert and Barbara, and not having anyone, or anywhere to go to, this all kept me at the farm until 4 months to my 20th birthday,1992.

 

My other sister, Michelle, on the other hand, was forced to leave when she was 10 or 11. She went to live with my aunt and uncle on Barbara’s side of the family, and after that we never heard from ANY of Barbara’s family again.

 

Soon after Michelle left, Albert made me 'tell' Barbara what he was doing to me. Barbara came unglued. I was the whore, the cunt, the slut, the bitch that was trying to steal her man. She beat me; drug me by my hair, pulled huge hunks of hair out of my head, leaving bald bleeding bloody spots on my head.

I was 13, and this is where things rapidly got worse. After that episode Albert made me go to bed with him and Barbara, and he made me have sex with both of them. Every night it was my 'job' to sing Erin to sleep, then creep into their bed and please then. I would silently cry, knowing that the slightest sniffle would bring great pain upon me.

 

This story goes on, and on, never getting any better, only worse. Between the ages of 9 and 19, I was tied to the bed, raped, beaten, humiliated, and forced to endure a clothes hanger and herbal abortion; torture as one would expect from veterans of concentration camps. But I knew that if I left I was leaving my siblings unprotected. I had taken on the role of mother to my brothers and sister, and I couldn’t handle the thought of them having to deal with Albert on their own.

 

After Michelle left they pulled all three of us kids out of school to "home school" us. But instead of being home-schooled, I became Albert’s shadow and he kept an eagle's eye on me. If I looked at someone 'wrong", or if my eyes weren't straight ahead when he drove us to the various jobs he had, or if I didn't give him the sexual pleasure he wanted when he wanted, I was hurt.

I finally gathered up the courage to leave. Even though the thought of leaving my siblings caused me great anguish, at 19, I knew that if I were to stay, I would die. Either they would end up killing me, or I would kill myself. I had nowhere to go. The day I left was July 7, 1992.  Albert had beaten the hell out of me on the way home. My head was swollen, my nose was bleeding, my eyes were turning into huge black saucers, tears running trails down my filthy face, a face that had only 20 minutes earlier been forced to eat dirt as he jammed my face into the earth, Slamming my face again and again down upon the jagged little rocks, weeds, and dry dusty dirt. I also had his semen on my neck and chin, and he hit me even harder as I tried to wipe it off. At home Barbara took one look at me then asked me "what have you done this time?" I could only shake my head as he kicked me down to the ground.

"Stay here," he ordered," Your mother and I am going to go and figure out what to do with you."

 

Those were the last words he ever told me.

When they were in the house, I ran. Not knowing where I would go, how I would live, with nothing to my name but the clothes on my back and the hope in my heart, I ran.

 

Today is November 18, 2007. During the trail that was held in 1993 Albert and Barbara both plead guilty to their charges. Albert received a total of 130 years, to be served concurrently, for his crimes. To date he has only served 15 of those years.  Barbara served five years for hers. On Wednesday, November 14, 2007, I received my phone call from the Texas Parole Board to object to his parole. The gentleman I spoke with, Charles Aycock was very gentle and understanding about my situation. He was well versed on the case and seemed quite genuine in his attitude. After speaking with him for several minutes I began to have hope that the monster that ruined so many childhoods, and hurt so many souls, would be forced to remain where he belongs, in prison.

Unfortunately this is not to be the case. There is a Mandatory Release date for Albert. May 12, 2008, 7 months from now, he will be released and entered back into an unwitting society. It seems that there is a Law which states, “Projected Release Date is the date, which is determined by the TDCJ Institutional Division Records Office, that an offender is projected to be released from incarceration if not released on parole sooner. The calculation of the projected release date is affected by offense title and offense date.
* If an offender committed their offense prior to 9/1/1996 and their offense is mandatory supervision eligible, the projected release date is calculated as their scheduled release date to mandatory supervision (if not paroled prior to that), when their time credits (flat time served plus good time earned) equal their total sentence. “ 

 

He has no remorse or regret for the childhood that he ruined, or for the lives he trampled on. Because of my abuse I am on Social Security for PTSD, depression, anxiety attacks, night terrors, bi-polar, and a multitude of other things. I take four medications just to keep the chemicals that were damaged in the "fight or flight" childhood I had running productively. My youngest sister, Erin, has had five children, I have one of her daughters, my brother and sister-in-law have the eldest of her daughters, and I heard that the State of Texas took her other three away. My youngest brother is dealing with depression, anxiety, and he cries over the feeling he has that he should have protected us. My other sister, Michelle, lives in Nampa Idaho, and we are close friends now.  My brother John, I haven’t heard from him, nor have I seen him in almost 12 years. I can only pray that he is doing well.

Society should be informed as to how childhood abuse affects adult survivors, mentally and physically and how abuse affects how we raise our own children. Awareness is the key, and with so many abuse cases being brought to light, it would be nice to have someone that has gone through it, the worst of it, and has survived, to tell the story. Hopefully I will raise the awareness needed to help prevent abuse, and help the survivors of abuse. It is my opinion that the world as a whole needs to obliterate childhood abuse.

I have three children, a loving wonderful husband, a great outlook on life, and a passion to get this story out, to help the thousands of victims, and survivors, to know that they are not alone.

I know he will get out, and much too soon for me. Everyone should be concerned about his release, men, women, and children are all in danger from him. He has no conscience, no regret and no remorse.  I am afraid for my children, for everyone's children. But I also mourn for the innocence we lost, as children, as siblings surviving the best we could. I only pray that his release does not mean the destruction of more innocence.

 

Thank you,

Sandra Rivers-Davis